I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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