I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
