I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
