Got a toothbrush?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
