Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
