last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
