literally had 100 drinks last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
