So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
