it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
