My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm always down for nudity.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize