i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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