You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
