last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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