i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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