Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
