eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
