she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
