i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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