I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
