I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
