and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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