If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
