You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
