I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
