she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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