i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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