I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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