She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
