i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i drank out of a bidet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
