One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we're so committed to being not committed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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