theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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