So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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