I hope mine doesn't look like that
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
