there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
