I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm too high and old for this...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
