Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
