I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
