I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
