It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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