my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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