guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
