I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize