I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
one two three fourrrrnication!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
