terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So many bounce houses so little time
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
