I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
