Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
