what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Come on in and take your pants off
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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