I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
