I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
