I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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