I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize