everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
