So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
