Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
