im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
