We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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