I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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