We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
