He uses pillows to masturbate.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
