We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize