toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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