Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
