haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
